You don't know this.

I was walking through my imagination today and I recognized you let your red coals smolder out. The leaves are changing, so is my motivation, and just feeling like a theatrical project. But who are you? I meet you in my dreams, my writing, my thoughts when I’m far from the real people. Like now, I cannot see you, I do not feel you, but I see you in everything I am. May be much bigger than that of the invention of washing machines, microwaves. Aesthetic impression is not my triumph and you, Blue flame of mine, aren’t a good example. Breathe, Hesitated Monster destroyer, you are wasted on Polish pints and the careful planning of a lost fetus. You are me, and you don’t know this.

You don't know how the corners of my mind crack instead of wear, allowing meaningless sentences to flit far from my split lips. Inhale. exhale. I wish I could spit just one word in your direction. one note in an opera to convey an SOS. A splinter in the splint of wood that keeps every one of them up, to help you out, just a little.

Break you down, start, start again. start and start and start until 7 continuous strings have held a baby from burning his fingers.

I'm not here to talk about my outer self.
my enviroment.
I'm here to talk about you. Your blue flame, or you lack of.
I was wrong about people like you.
things like you.
but then again,
you are me, and you don't know this.

Just stop. [I am sorry.]

Stop to call yourself out, once every while.
No, scream yourself out.
You've had that feeling, where you just get done crying and criticizing and whining about someone doing something "they didn't have control over," and when you turn around, go back home, you realize you're doing the same thing, only worse. Everything is so confusing now that he's gone.
There. I've said it.
I miss that stability, that smile to lead me on. even though I wasted a valuable time in my life feeling guilty and on the phone, I miss his low, sweeping voice telling me what the best part of the day was.
He brought me that rock to stand on, and though he wasn't the most reliable or strong rock of the bunch, he gave me all he could manage to. maybe that's why I'm scared for Kaitlyn.
again, I've said it.
I don't hate her.
I just don't want the same thing to happen, the happiness for him or the hurt for her.
[for God's sake, she's just learning... and she doesn't need the hard way, Aaron... please be better for her than you were for me, if you're out there...somewhere...]
But who am I to say the weight of her heart doesn't match his?
I barely know her.
I barely know anything anymore, and my friends will confirm that.
I am so sorry for making mean comments about you liking her because she was one year younger.
when, I just may be falling for a guy that is two years older.
I'm sorry for ripping you apart when you had two girls you liked.
I'm liking four.
I'm sorry for playing those games with you when we weren't going out.
But I still fantasize about spending the night by the other guys' side.
none of us know whats right. we're just teenagers with our eyes set on peace and happiness.
but I'm sick of playing these games with them.
I'm no whore.
I'm no...

60 cent lighters and blank notebooks

in abundance.
on a sunday, trying to hide underneath the falling rain.
How...
human?

she raises her wine glass to the wall

and says, "God Bless."
memories stick to her eyelids like the veins.
she sighs and wipes the oil and dust off her neck.
She may be a slut. You might be right, you might get to her, once.
But for now, you see a strange girl you say you love, and in your hurricane of negativity and "honesty" you forget she's real. She's sitting, physically, in front of you, Kate. She didn't ask for the attention. let her enjoy it if she does- her week hasn't been great, neither has yours.but you never hear her telling you you're ugly, you can't do things.
Just fucking listen, Kate.
stop thinking she's wierd or annoying and just listen for once.
You think you're being a help but you are just hurting.
you have the bad home, she's always had the bad friends, the bad school, the bad bus the bad kids on the bus the bad names thrown at her ever since 1st grade. she's not saying its worse than what you went through, but its her struggle, and no matter what she'd want respect for that. You think you know. but you don't know the first thing about her and what she went through to get one friend and now she has people that want to go out with her for the first time and you act like she shouldn't be enjoying the attention? Suck it up, you have your armcandy. Now let her find hers in sweet peace. with support. sith positivity, and optimism,
like she did for you.
just please.
please.
LISTEN.


[it's a good thing she's doesn't even want to check what I have to say on this blogspot. My opinions don't matter to her or any of my "bffs."]

Writing es una coming.

uhm kay
this is just a blog saying I have many works of
...bloggage...
that I'm working on in word. I've been very inspired lately and felt like writing, so I'm sure when it's ready to be posted, it'll be posted like the teabagging blue m&m on a sweaty treadmill.
I love anyone who es una reading thizz!
<3

In Weilding Much Energy

You tire faster, with greater impact.
How would you feel if every time you did something you liked, you were teased. You were put down and kicked.
Here I am, actually not falling at all, thanks to you.

I Don't Know, But Thanks.

I am thinking right now. And not only about goals, or the loss of innocence and truth, or even social discomfort. All I'm thinking about doing, and it freaks me out that I am, but I just wanted to say thanks. anyone who's reading this deserves my thanks. even if you aren't reading it. every person in my life brings hints to emotions that I really ought to appreciate, whether they're good feelings or bad. it makes me feel a little better knowing a diverse group of people determine how I set my mood, instead of having a few close friends.
I'm thankful that people still believe in the goodness of the world, the gifts that hide behind the polluted ponds and murky seas. That beating heart in the mounds of dead. The Survivor in the disease.
Not only am I thankful for that, but I'm thankful people care enough about me to get off their asses in the morning to go to work and not only give me a more than liveable home, but now, a possible vacation home to go to. I'm thankful of that inspiration they instill in me to get educated and maybe one day become as successful as them, have a family of my own, and work my butt off doing what I love.
I would want to thank the lab workers, factory workers, engineers, plumbers, doctors,and everyone else I haven't mentioned for getting on their knees, hands grimy in dirt to give my spoiled self everything I have; with no expense to me but maybe a couple of dollars if it was a "want".

I came into my blog tonight expecting to talk about how unfair my pitiful teenage life was.
But my life's nothing to sneeze at; I really am lucky.
Thanks, really.
everyone.
-sara

many truths. or 3. However you look at life.

1:
people in texas, (the dallas area particularly) are always musically gifted and are about 80% better looking. PROVEN.
2:
It's super fun to use your camcorder for school.
3:
Real Procrostinators are able to use jawbreakers as an excuse.

SickSickSickitySickk.

hi.
I haven't written a whole lot, have I?
hmm.
I've been ill with bad colds and minor flu douches.
but turning fifteen lessened the tremendous (not so much) pain??
working on about 5 videos at once, and my movie maker is gettin quite jumbly in my tumbly, if you ask me.
I've actually been working on a huge blog thats really negative so far but will (probably?) have a positive ending. and like I said, I'm going to try and put more music/politics in my blog because I'm feeling a little to journally with this whole blogging thing.
anyway, so i can get my silly little stuffed-up face to bed-
I acheived two cd's for my birthday.
one, "consolers of the lonely", by The Raconteurs.
:| Oh. EHM. GEE..!
effing great cd.
all the songs I've listened to so far,
are gold. All worthy for the public. (Kind of like american idiot, how all those songs were so great)
and the I got fresh fruit for rotting vegetables from dead kennedys but i pretty much downloaded all the songs illegally so its not a biggie :X.

AH
HH
I am so sleepy!
night.

erm. Hai.

Waiting for my video to fix itself.
I'm so tired; sick; annoyed; and unmotivated to the point of mental implosion.
I don't want school.
I don't want to sit on the computer.
I don't want to watch t.v., or talk to anyone.
I want to listen to music; eat; and sleep.
I don't want to get drug into a church that belives in slaying anyone who doesn't believe with all their heart, even if you try to bribe me with caffiene.
No; I will sit on my bed, and polish my cds.
I don't know how far that'll get me in the future, but who cares?
Hmm.
I guess I do, huh?

These; The Things I Hate

these are a few pet peeves of mine.
a list of the 50 things I love will be arriving soon, because as I wrote it, as negative as I was, I would think "Well, I actually love that, not hate it...".
The beauty of brainstorming, huh?
:)

1) the human body can't run on artificial energy after so many hours of sleeplessness.
2)the ways of which we have been raised either enables us or makes it impossible to film ourselves.
3)The fact I am the age I am and still kept from doing things I love.
6)How you can try so much, work so hard, but still fall short and have someone point it out.
7) I hate how there can be one person, and no matter what they do, no matter how you know them, or if you know them at all, they'll always be picked on & shoved down.
8)There is always a cheater. or a liar. or a suck up.
9)All guys think the same way: her hair's too short. her eye's are too brown. [Why wasn't she born perfect?]
10) The human heart, no matter how hard it trys to fool itself, always wants just a friend.
11) people who think they're too cool for anything; or can't stand watching people have a good time.
12) Being embarassed because you act like yourself too much.
13)How people don't take showers often.
14)earphones say liifetime warranty (but mean only two weeks)
15)how someone wants to be so positive, but is so negative.
16)how some girls will do anything for a guys attention.
17) when all you need is a rainy day to make you think, all you get is sun.
18)going to the fridge and finding out there's no soda.
19)breaking guitar strings
20)the inability to draw
21)dirty looks from girls you've hated since they outcast you.
22)people who think they have the right to not only be "honest", but brutally malicious.
23)really sensitive people
24)whenever OhAndThis"JustIn" swears in front of his son
25)"fingerquote""Gangsters""fingerquote"
26)It's impossible to be fully conscious in Science.
27)losing ONE slipper. [such a tease]
28)sour cream.
29)the stubby end of the broccoli
30)How I always feel so sick, but they're no symptoms to anything.
31)thick&creamy mac and cheese.
32)my town
33)the color blue
34)old flashlights when the lights go out.
35)sports movies
36) people with little sense of humor.
37)how I still look for him, even when he's gone.
38)post its that don't stick
39)people that can't accept criticizm or lie to seem interesting
40)illegal downloading [old habits die hard]
41)the raw nose you get when you have a cold.
42)late library books.
43) cd's that look like they can be burned, but when you pop them into your computer, you get that uh oh warning that says : "please insert a BLANK disc", and then you feel stupid, like an inanimate object is smarter than you.
44)being so lazy
45)that nostolgia only lasts for a few seconds.
46)ugly plants in the yard of a pretty house.
47)black jellybeans
48)writing checks [frusturate me.]
49)not having any skill.
50)SCHOOL.
I blame all my major problems on it.

It's 1:13 A.M., I'm Listening to White Stripes, I'm waiting for a video to upload on the computer- face it. Conditions are perfect for a little blogging. FACEBOOK I got a facebook for the first time, and it's like everything myspace wish it had. Although I'm still figuring out what half of the web-space does and how to work it all I can tell... This will be an OBSESSION. SICK I've been feeling rather sick lately, like achy, and my head hurts alot, I don't know why. I can't tell if it's just a virus or something else; possibly? All this doctor-seeing is making my brain go places it doesn't need to go, and that's all I'll say about that. VIDEOS I found out today I was a better problem-solver than I originally thought I was! lol not to brag but jeezz. [I think I got abnormally lucky, to be truthful.] DREAMS I had a really cool/weird dream last night that made me psyched,,, queestion mark? I was playing drums. good. and it felt like.... like finding a 100$ bill. like that good. that's one thing I hope to experience the joy of.

Is This Stupid?

Riddle me this:
When someone commends me on my "Free Spirit", My mom agrees.

But,
she'd rather buy a pair of 50$ jeans that yuppies wear to show off,
and a t-shirt for 20,
than a sweatshirt for 30$, and a t-shirt for 10.
because of it's color.


I've gotten things I wanted all my life, I know that,
but why the sudden hypocritical mistake?
hmm. but it's happened so often,
Its hard to call it a mistake.

well, all in all, whether it's stupid, I still feel like saying one thing to her:
F*ck you,
Mom.
Go "Support my individuality" all you want,
but I'll be sure to let everyone know what the truth is in the end.
*winks*

Lots. Plus Music.

Hi I have alot to talk about including how I just got a special little gadget.
a little gadget by the name of: Camcorder.
However, mom has clearly informed me there will be NO youtube action anytime soon. but, I'd have to be the mature one, go ahead and say,
Ah, Nope.
What people don't realize is my voice can be as loud as I allow it to be.
Sure, I'm angsty.
psh. I'm what? a teenager. exactly.
everyone's like that.
Sure, my opinions are pretty stupid and narrow minded,
but my favorite thing to do is see the two sides and take back what I said, possibly changing my opinion confidently, using other's knowledge to build my own.
[So, not exactly narrow-minded.]
But it's like COme on, you know?
I want to be in the learning experience.
get to know it, head first.
I know the family only wants to protect me, and I know I may fail at this film thing horribly, but at least I can give it a try.
It almost is starting to feel like my life is already slipping by too fast-
I wish I would've done guitar earlier.
I'm ticked Aaron took away that year of possible discovery, opportunity, and, more so, innocence. [I pity him the most, if he always needs a girlfriend. He has no idea there's more to life than middle-school "relationships".]
I wish I could've accepted not fitting in,
I would be in a completely different place If I did.
There is so much to life, places to see, things to ponder, music to listen to, homework to do, babies to be seen born, deaths to experience, people to befriend.
The best you can do is get the most of YOU out there, you know?
so that when people look back, they know you had something inside. a spirit, or whatever. an opinion. I know I want to be remember as a real person. not just phisically, but really. someone who breathed music, spoke truths, and drank 5 sodas a day.
*sigh*
enough about that.

I think I may want to start a music section in my blogs, highlighting 5 bands.
This will be the experiment.

Fall Of Troy: I started listening to the fall of troy in the beginning of the summer and they are a really, really good band. These guys have an artful way of making hard-core sound very pop, fun and melodic.They really do have what it takes, in my opinion, to sell to people in my age group- they're different, and are making the tunes kids these days jive with. ;D out of 10: 7.0

White Stripes: Love it. Love it. Love it. His skin-ripping vocals [particularly on "consolers of the lonely", by the raconteurs, a side project of theirs] make every song worth listening over and over, and buying- twice. being only two of them, of course they aren't experts on every instrument,but they're pretty close. the way they write their songs brings chills down your spine, I swear.
on the other side, the actual melodies aren't that catchy.
over all and out of 10: 8.3

The Network: Completely insane. Unheard of, strange, and FREAKING genius. They are new-wave and the a close.... second in green day's side project.
out of 10: 9.5

Dead Kennedys: THE best punk. look I'm sorry, misfits didn't create the magic I was hoping they would, but these guys did. the wobbling vocals, the honestly, vulgarity, the expertise on every instrument- these guys were effing great.
out of 10: 9.9

Fall Out Boy:
Despite all this popularity crap, these guys have unbelivable talent and they need credit where it's due.
10: 9.2

Cue Inspiration in 5....4...321......?....??..!?!?

Okayy so I'm having one of those moments again where I am completely aware I must blog.
but I just don't have the heart to do more work than needed?
[Not that this is hard work... I like doing this otherwise I wouldn't.... AHH I don't know... just lazy, I guess.]

omg.
this chick.
this weemo.
has the weird urge,
nay,
the impudence,
to sit there with a safety pin in chorus, with a ring of people around her trying to cheer her up, trying to inflict pain upon herself.[cut herself.]
yea.
long story short,
she's a classic effing crybaby.
lets further investigate:
[I went to school with her my whole life, I have the right to JUDGE!]
1st-7th grade: obsessed with cute puppies and ponies.
8th grade: likes the word penis, and thinks it's HILARIOUS to make sexual references at all times possible.
9th grade?: well it's looking like she's pretty much, just a retard.

look I'm sorry.
I know I shouldn't be kickin people when they're down,
but its people like her that make me hate the human being in general.
the psychology,
our brains,
everything.


ugh i need to not talk about that right now.
i need something happy....
ooo!
5 things that make me happy!

1) the callusii (callususes? caliseese? well, what would you suggest?) you get when you play the guitar.

2)not using the tights on my feet when I'm in ballet class.

3)listening to your iPod with comfy, quality earphones, and know that nobody knows you are.

4)writing a song. [okay,i haven't written one yet, but when I do. It'll probably be the best thing since animal crackers in my soup.]

5)the Internet in it's entirety. along with nerds flurrys and cheesy gordita crunches from taco bell. *fantasizes about poser mexican eats*


yeawn.
good night.
at least i was a little positive,
huh?

hmmkayy.... Okay. I get it now. I get it.

I'm watching Green Day on youtube.
*cough* Greatt Stuff.
[I know I'll regret it when I'm like 20. But I don't care..]


we started blogging today in english.
so that's pretty cool, I guess.
lol!
I really honestly don't have much to talk about...
hmmm.
I'm buying Nimrod, once and for all.
:|

bye.

Technical School and Then Social School on my Side Of the Spectrum.

Okay
1st off I'll admit I'm not much motivated to write right now.
But,
blogging has proven to be the chicken soup to my flu.
the band-aid to my little slivers in life.
and I think it's time to put some observations out there.

Part I
So we begin:
'Twas the first day of school today.
really excited for english (more than any other class :) NO JOKE!)
mostly because it sounds like writing, opinions, reading, more writing,vocabulary, and more writing.
and you think, "Sara, that sounds like work. hard work. everyone knows you aren't that great with that, or responsibility for that matter."
[Okay that's probably what my family is thinking,but in case others think the same way..]
Well I'll have you know,
I adore english.
Even more than that,
I adore creative writing.
And I don't expect the class to be a breeze, but I do expect to have a firking great time in the first class of my day.

and second hour. Mr. Burmesch.
pretty cool.
not into physical science stuff, I don't think- but we'll see.

Guitard and Keyboard.
semi-excited.
I haven't gone yet, I'll go tomorrow.
I hope we do guitar first; or I won't be psyched anymore.

Civical.
Ermm.
Lately with the elections I've been wanting to know more stuff about the political platforms. the healthcare, foriegn policy experience, the financial stuff and all the oil drilling buzz has me feeling out of the loop. So I'm eager to learn about that stuff, as wierd as that seemss....
I just wish I had a more... pleasant....teacher??
I shouldn't say that, but I've just heard some nasty things about her and I guess I'm scared.
:\

Blue Gold/ Gym

blue gold = pretty cool.
gym= Not cool. At all. GAG me.
I have sawall, again.
I'm not a fit person. I dance. i don't run.
I don't kick around balls.
I don't play duck duck goose.
I don't run. (Or did I already say that?)
I don't move to anything thats not music.
I DANCE.
that's it.
and not square or electric slide.
*rolls eyes*

lunch with robert.

concert choir
is not going to be fun.
I'm alone.
:

algebra
hasn't given me a really great impression.
mrs. kempe sounds cool and all,
but when the first paper you give me is a test?
Sorry, Darling, no matter how sweet you go about it,
WE AIN'T ON THE RIGHT FOOT.
I couldn't pay attention at all.
I was crashing hard cause of the caffiene I sucked down.
ughh.
not a good start. at all.

andd eighth,,,,
Teens Today.
I'm not sure about it.
the way she talks still bothers me.



Part II
ermm kay.
so I noticed a couple of things today, that kind of puts my inner turmoil to rest.

everybody was trying to be different.
(the fad-twin sluts weren't dressed in gear similar to mine so that was settling.)
Just looking around homeroom, you could almost smell the bottles of dye used.
me included.
everybody wore their most charasmatic t-shirts.
everybody got their hair cut.
everybody tried so hard to be different,
and the most beautiful thing about it is,
even though everybody thought everybody else was rippin' on their style,
me included,
everybody was different.

socially,
today was NOT boring.
Like I said, it was really refreshing to know I wasn't the only one trying to find my style.
you know,
the look that fits me.

*sighhs.*

kayy.
watching the republican national convention.
[although I'd prefer to
BARACK YOU LIKE A HURRICANEE!]

If I do....

If I do...

Since the beginning,
The dallas voting thing had been a task religiously done for two reasons-
1)helping brent reach his dreams.
2)help me reach mine.

I don't mean to meet him, that was never the objective.
I just feel like I'd find something.
In L.A.?
or in his presence?
as weird as it sounds, he did inspire me.
bigg time.
[he makes me feel like you can be awkward, crazy, hyper, genuine, and be accepted, anyway-
I've never felt like that. Just to be yourself is such a gift I'm glad someone gave me :)]

I wouldn't know what'd happen if I won.
I know I'd scream.
I know I'd cry.
I know the chances of me winning are low, but i don't give. I want this sweepstakes with more than keyboard, hands & heart could ever express.
and again, with this "no one knows" crap, but i know no1 can feel the way i do right now.
I wish, just for once, the choices I make can take me somewhere good.
I was put in a gorgeous household, with awesome, caring parents, but it still feels like my life is still on the runway.(the one with the planes, not the dresses)
Like I said,
I don't know what'd I'd find there that I couldn't find here.
but I know it's something.

If I don't...

I know I have my music, friends, family, writing, dogs, blah.bluhblah.
I know I'll still buy a macbook & camera.
I know I'll still put my socks on the same way.....?
I'll still watch Brent regularly, and be in the mainroom even though i don't talk :P (sorry!)
I'll probably find inspirations some other way--.
maybe my choices will take me to even cooler places?
(hhmm. nowhere seems as cool as LA right noww.)

*sighh*

God. I really, really want this.
Please.
someone?

Upset?Eh.Awkward?Uh-Huh.Albino?FORSURE.

hi.
i just had a wierrdd conversation.
it was last night, but now it's had time to ripen, and now, is the time, i write.
[Shudders with the Epic-ness of that sentence]
haha anyway i wont bother with capitalizing or irrelevent punctuation, because i need this just down. like downn.
you know that guyy?
the guy that starts with two A's??
he's been going out with this chick i know (cough cough kaytlin scott) for a monthh already.
which brings me to my title.
I'm upset in the way it's been so long already. also, actually this bothers me mountains more, how guys say one thing, being completely empty-minded and not so sure about it (but they say they know they're sure) but have this crazy ability to change their mind. and then what do they say? one of two things:
1) " I never promised "
2) " Things changed between Her and I" (no. you are just a guy. guys like you like to like, if you catch my drift. oh and you really don't make yourself look like less of a manwhore by telling me you "just always need to have someone to have in your heart". )
3) "move on already" (look, i have moved on. but I still feel ownership over you, and a part of me still looks up to you for being my first for... well, everything. )
And while I'm ranting, I hope he took those goddamn headphones out for good, you poser.
yea. you messed with music, and you're messing with this chick.
to him and anyone possibly reading this that does that, please. frigging. stop.
"That": Putting earphones in your ear with out listening to music, just for the "effect" that you're so emo/scene/retarded.
honestly?!
grow the F*CK up.
[Anger hass returned, thank god.
i was afraid i'd gone soft.]

glad i'd gotten rid of you before the sh*t you "didn't" promise happened.
thank you for pissing me off enough to hate you,
otherwise i'd still be crying.


on a lighter knowte.
[[hahahaha]]
Tis True!
I am albinoh!

except for one spot above my left ear. no dye wantedto accociate with that area, so it looks like an awkwardly place leopard spot or whatever you kids call it.
not ready for school.
cuzz i hate it.


<3 everybody who isnt a douche.
yourwelcome for the honest truth, btw.

Big Conclusions

Okay just to put this out there I do hate her lots. but I decided something today. (My numerology reading thing said today I will be making big desicions sooo...)
Eff her.
she's a whore.
that's her ish.
I'm going to do what I want to and thats meet people that really care about music like I do, and earn respect by that, instead of expecting it from people who really don't give a crap about.... well, anything.
so if anyones like, seriously serious about guitars and drums and basses- pleasee.
I'm starting to think I'm the only one who really wants this,
and I know that's not true.
or if it is, the world is more messed up than I could ever imagine.
you mess with music, you mess with this chick.
and you dont want that.
:P
oh, and, be supportive?
I'm thinking of a couple people when I say that;
I want to make music, just like you did.
the only thing is, I want to give an entire band credit, not just myself.
so please, stop with the crap attitude that I won't be able to do it, or it's stupid for me to think I'll go anywhere with it.
I just started, and I know I probably won't go anywhere, (what you mean by that is beyond me; as you never went anywhere yourself; how would you know? we dream the same thing, except I don't want fame just for the sake of fame.) but be the one that gives me the strength to keep trying?
you are starting to make me not do anything I find interesting and maybe thats why, subconsciously, I don't call you back?
shape up, kid.
be a real friend, like you were.


well, thats it.
<3, i guess.

Ignoring Me [But It's Cool], HATREDHATREDHATRED, Ghost

Part I
Hi-oh.
Just forcing myself to stop the voting for a couple seconds. [I know I feel guilty about it :( ]
anyway I wanted to type some observations having to do with my family and my very vocal expression of interests..
yea.
I know I annoy them, but I can't stop! Anything about the music I listen to to the shirts I want, the people on the internet, anything I'm excited about, I can't shutup. Or I can, but I swear I'd go frigging insane!
So, when I was talking to my mom I noticed something- she completely tuned me out. Usually she's good at like, saying, "oh uh-huh? well thats interesting, Honey!" -even if she had no clue what I just said. I'm fine with that.
But when there's an awkward silence?
or an irritated, low-toned "hmff."?
We all know what happens.
A gay infant is brought into the world.
And like I said I know I bring it on to myself, but JEEZ, woman. You were really 'effing good at hiding your disinterest! what happened to those wicked acting skillzz?



Part II
Have you ever hated someone so much, and never even talked to them?
all you do is watch them talk to others, watch them buy your exact clothing[just to piss you off], Watch them take everything you built up from the past year, all the self-esteem, all the strength to be your own person, and crush it with the tip of one fad-following finger, ALL without one word spoken to you? And the worst part is, nobody understands why you hate that person? If you answered yes to all of these, you might be feeling the same way. oh, especially if the one who's doing all this, Is a complete and utter Stupid-ass WHORE who CANNOT function without dirty comments from 7th grade boys. she can't form a real sentence without other whore help, and spends free time fooling around with other hos in bathrooms- with cameras and a connection to myspace.
This person is really, really pissing me off,
to say the teeniest, tiniest, weensiest least.
I wonder why people like her exist.
I really wonder why people like her exist, just to take my entire life away.
posing, air-headed, slutty piece of shit.
all of them.
RAAWARARRAKAKWLWLWAMVAMMNNNNLALAKKRrRRRRRRRRRrr.



Part III
on a lighter, much creepier note, I just watched the movie "ghost."
I forgot about hell until I watched this movie.
now I'm super scared I'm going to steal 4,000,000 dollars and kill people.
I don't want to go to hell :S.

Internet, Fresh-Films, And Ultrasoundy Armpit..?.

Part I
Just watching Brent on Blogtv-
supposed to be voting but it's getting too close to school time for me to be paying any attention whatsoever. (Makes Sense...? no.) Oh and plus my mom took away my phone because she thinks we'll get charged for abusing the power that is "Unlimited Texting". Ugh it's weird because when I'm on the internet I feel like I'm a part of something, you know? I mean, it's probably just me, but to be honest I really don't have many friends in real life so the internet kinda gives me a chance to... I guess, pretend?
Like I see Sacre & Beth talk back and forth on twitters. see they're like half way across the country. (well I don't know for sure but they could, right?) And they talk like they're best friends that talk every day at school. I just want that really bad, someone to tell me what I missed in Brent's chat, or how awkward shaycarl's vid is. Go to a frigging gathering together and meet our IDOLS. someone to make me feel like I'm not a complete oddball or geek? There's another world on the internet, of all people I might have the chance to finally fit in with. But the entire real world, consisting of tv, radio, articles and newspaper, they make my family and everyone else believe EVERYBODY on the internet is a middle-aged lonely, horny man with a cutesy screen name and an intent to hook up with a 13 year-old girl. I'm NOT denying it. I would be lying if I said there wern't. But what people don't realize is that's the negative. Any smart, responsible internet user would know not to trust, fully, the people they meet on here. [And I know I just suggested meeting up at a gathering, but- they'd have to make videos as proof :) and I'd go with my Pops]
Ugh Anyway back on track, I guess I'm just looking for a place. where I can play every instrument at once and have breakfast with the Armstrong & Cool family[Preferably].





Part II
I really want to be on the Samsung Fresh-film's crew for Chicago next year! If I can't play all instruments and be reborn a guy, my other [& Most reasonable] best job will; and i say will because of the reason that IT WILL; be directing Music videos. [Better that Sam Bayer. Anton Corbijn? Yea. I PWN THEM.] haha on that note I just think It'd be a really great experience to see how editing, filming, acting, and organizing all complement eachother, and I think I could benefit from it in alot of ways, and really be inspired to just do stuff that I love, and feel accepted while doing it. So yea!
cross your fingerss I get in!






Part III
Just a little teensy-weensy update I have a lump on my Right Axillary. Yeah. the pit with the poop-stain birth-mark got a little rub-down with some green gel and a ultrasound stick.
nothing serious, the radiologist didn't need to talk to us, so just quietly waiting for results is all.




Okay this is the end of my blog now!
Surprised you read the entire blog...
hm.
nightynight