If I do....

If I do...

Since the beginning,
The dallas voting thing had been a task religiously done for two reasons-
1)helping brent reach his dreams.
2)help me reach mine.

I don't mean to meet him, that was never the objective.
I just feel like I'd find something.
In L.A.?
or in his presence?
as weird as it sounds, he did inspire me.
bigg time.
[he makes me feel like you can be awkward, crazy, hyper, genuine, and be accepted, anyway-
I've never felt like that. Just to be yourself is such a gift I'm glad someone gave me :)]

I wouldn't know what'd happen if I won.
I know I'd scream.
I know I'd cry.
I know the chances of me winning are low, but i don't give. I want this sweepstakes with more than keyboard, hands & heart could ever express.
and again, with this "no one knows" crap, but i know no1 can feel the way i do right now.
I wish, just for once, the choices I make can take me somewhere good.
I was put in a gorgeous household, with awesome, caring parents, but it still feels like my life is still on the runway.(the one with the planes, not the dresses)
Like I said,
I don't know what'd I'd find there that I couldn't find here.
but I know it's something.

If I don't...

I know I have my music, friends, family, writing, dogs, blah.bluhblah.
I know I'll still buy a macbook & camera.
I know I'll still put my socks on the same way.....?
I'll still watch Brent regularly, and be in the mainroom even though i don't talk :P (sorry!)
I'll probably find inspirations some other way--.
maybe my choices will take me to even cooler places?
(hhmm. nowhere seems as cool as LA right noww.)

*sighh*

God. I really, really want this.
Please.
someone?